I sit down to write every morning. But first, I turn on my computer, have coffee, say good morning to my wife, and sometimes sit and meditate for a few minutes. Then…I go into my office to write. But first, I reread what I wrote the day before, sometimes days before, depending on how I’m feeling about the day’s work.
Then, I sit down and write, but I have no idea what I’m going to write. I have no idea where my work is taking me, and I have no idea where or when it will end. Each story, poem, novel, I write feels as though the words are going through me, but without my control. It’s hard to explain, but I once told a friend that it was like God pushes through me every day, like a man or woman shoving his or her way through a crowd.
That goes for this short blog post as well. I sat down to write it, but didn’t know—still don’t—where it was headed. I think this is what life is about: the mystery. I’m often surprised by conversations I have where I’m fully aware that neither me nor the person I’m talking with knows where our conversation will be two minutes from any particular moment. There’s no jumping ahead to tell what one of us might say. The conversation is so reliant on the next word and the next.
When I consider how little control I have over my writing, I can’t help but project that fact into the rest of my life. What will I say to my daughter in a half hour, to my wife tonight before we go to sleep? What will I write tomorrow or next week? I don’t know any of the answers to these questions. I can guess, but chances are I’ll be wrong. The more I consider such things, the more I believe that my subconscious self is in more control of my everyday life than my conscious self. In fact, I wonder if my conscious self is merely a recorder of deeds already done, words already said, life already lived.
I hope someday to explore that idea in a written work other than this post. Perhaps my subconscious will offer up an answer. If it does, I’m fairly sure my conscious self will record it.
Terry Persun is an award winning author and a #1 Amazon bestseller. He is also a Pushcart nominee. His mainstream novel, “Wolf’s Rite”, was a Star of Washington award winner, a POW! Award winner, and a ForeWord magazine Book of the Year finalist. His science fiction novel, “Cathedral of Dreams”, was also a ForeWord magazine Book of the Year finalists. And his historical novel, “Sweet Song”, won a Silver IPPY Award for best regional fiction. His latest novel, “Doublesight”, is book one of his new fantasy series. His latest poetry collection is “And Now This”. Terry writes in many genres, including historical fiction, mainstream, literary, and science fiction/fantasy.